Singles Awareness Day

I strongly dislike Valentine's Day. For one thing, it draws attention to all us perpetually single folks out there. We are inundated with pink hearts and commercials of things we won't receive unless we buy them for ourselves. (Which most of us will do the day after at 75% off.) Couples are running amok throwing all consideration of the lonely hearts into the wind and showing off their PDA's like a dress at fashion week. And when you are single on Valentine's Day you are required to eat at least three box of chocolates and drink at least one bottle of red wine. So, take that Weight Watchers, probably won't be weighing in this week. I am reminded 365 days a year that I am single thanks to my cat and overused Netflix, I really don't need a full day devoted to shoving it in my face, thank you very much.

I know, I know, I sound like an angry, cynical, lonely, old lady (all of which I have been lately). But the truth is, even when I was in a relationship on Valentine's Day, I hated it (the holiday, not the relationship...). Since I tend to be more of the optimist, coupled with the fact that I am a hopeless romantic one would think I would be a lover of a holiday for lovers. But quite the opposite is true. You see, I'm the type that buys flowers for no reason other than either a) they were on sale, or b) I just felt like it. When I was in love, I always let her know it. I took her on surprise dates, and brought home little treats just to show her I cared. And I did that without the Halmark corporation reminding me.

Then Valentine's Day rolls around. And since I'm the one with short hair and boy's clothes I was expected to make the arrangements. All of a sudden I'm booking reservations three years in advance, buying flowers that are overly priced, and freaking out about the fireworks regulations of Amherst so that I can have the perfect night. Why?! Why should I have to go through all that when just the week before she got a cute little teddy bear holding some flowers? Its just ridiculous.

I know I'm no sort of relationship guru, but I'm only single, not stupid. Its not that hard people. It doesn't matter if you are heterosexual, homosexual, pansexual, transexual, sexual sexual, or want to marry a goat. Say, "I love you" on a regular basis. Always be kind. Treat each other to surprise dates. Bring home flowers for no reason. Go away together when you can. Leave little notes for each other. Have date nights. Don't wait for February 14th to tell the person you love how you feel, because then its just tacky.

So, Happy February 14th everybody! And now its time to break out the wine. :)

The Purrfect Woman

There is a new woman in my life. Her name is Millie. True to typical lesbian fashion (even though I am not one) we have already moved in together. Most nights she sleeps in my bed, although sometimes she prefers the floor. She does not really like to go out, which is fine because she is great at snuggling. We love to play all day until one of us (usually her) falls asleep.

She is also a kitty.

I love my kitty. Yes, I caved, I got a kitty. (Don't tell my landlord...) I'm still holding true to the fact I'm not a lesbian. The cat and the work boots mean nothing. But what is it with lesbians and cats? Lets avoid the obvious joke here...this is a family blog. Dirty minds, people, dirty minds. Honestly though, why do lesbians love cats so much? I suppose they are a good replacement for a girlfriend. I mean she is a cheap date. She doesn't point out my faults on a regular basis. She is easily entertained. She won't cheat on me. She shows affection. She doesn't snore. She doesn't drink too much and go crazy. Wow, purrfect!

I love my kitty. But I won't become a cat lady. Yes, I have a Facebook album with just pictures of her. And  yes, I show random people on the street pictures of how cute she is. And yes, I have stayed in one or two nights to play with her instead of drinking with my friends. And yes, I have sent texts with captioned pictures of Millie to friends. But I won't become a cat lady. I hope. Someone stop me if it goes to far.

I love my kitty. Just don't call me a cat lady lesbian yet. Please.