Excuse me, this is the women's room.

I have short hair. And I wear boys' attire. This leads most people that do not know me, to believe that I am male. This doesn't bother me and I never take offense. In fact, I usually think it is hysterical when it happens. My mom doesn't. Oh well. Here are some of my favorite run ins that have happened.

** I understand not everyone finds the humor in people messing up their genders. I also realize that this used to be a huge issue for the old time butches. I respect the strides they mad to make sure that the police are no longer dragging us out of bathrooms or bars due to our attire. However, I have made the personal decision to find the humor in my life. **

1. "Excuse me, this is the women's room!"

Ok so the first one isn't one set time. In fact this happens probably at least once a week. Usually it is old ladies. Sometimes it is little kids, but they usually just stare and run away when I smile. I never really know what to say. Sometimes I say, "oh really?! shit!" and run out of the room. Other times I say, "Oh I know!" in my girliest voice. Other times I just look at them at wait for their eyes to travel from my face, where they can't find facial hair, my throat, where there is no adam's apple, to my chest, where there is the slightest hint of two bumps, and finally to my pelvis, where there is no hint of a bump.  Then they turn bright red, mutter their apologies and leave. This situation has also occurred over seas. In Spain a crazed woman at a bar started telling, "Es para chicas! Es para chicas!" To which I drunkenly responded, "Si, si, tengo titties!"

2. Oh my God, a sinner!

This was one of my favorites. I was in the church bathroom (I was home, I have to go to mass on Sundays when I'm home). I finished up in the stall and there was a grandmother waiting with her granddaughter. She saw me coming out of the stall, gasped, and covered her granddaughters eyes. I'm sure her inner monologue was something to the effect of, "Oh my God, a walking sin!! I do not want my pure grandchild exposed to this blasphemy!" However, out loud she said, "Young man, this is the women's room!" I calmly  said, "I know...um, I am a girl." To which she responded, "Oh well you have short hair, that is confusing!" No apology. I guess she will save that for confession.

3. A scared southern belle.

While traveling down south I was using a bathroom at a rest stop. As I was walking out a little old southern belle of a lady was walking in. She saw me, screamed and ran out yelling, "Oh no, I just walked into the mens room!"She then saw the sign indicating that she was in fact in the right bathroom and then looked back at me, and back at the sign. I just stood there holding the door open until she finally decided it was safe to enter.

4. "Why aren't you a nice young man?!"

I don't believe chivalry is dead. I think its gay. I always hold the door open for the person behind me, especially if the person behind me is a nice old lady (that will probably yell at me later in the bathroom). So many times they look at me and say, "Well aren't you just a nice young man!" This also happened a lot when I was catering and we were required to wear shirt and ties. People would ask for the young man with the crab cakes and delightful smile (well, maybe I just imagine the smile part) and it would take my manager sometime to figure out they were asking for me. To which she would say, "Lower your voice so you don't offend them when they realize you aren't a man."

5. "Are you the only boy on the rugby team?"

This one is my personal favorite. At a graduation dinner for my friend I was seated next to her dear old grandmother. I love old ladies and talked with her most of the night. Now while my appearance is very male, my voice and my actions are not. In fact I'm usually confused for a gay man. But thats another story for another time. Anyway, I have been talking to grandma all night and had been introduced by my very female and not gender neutral at all first name. Towards the end of night grandma turns to me and asks so loudly I think the entire restaurant heard her, "So, are you the only boy on the rugby team?" For once I was floored on when to say. Not wanting to confuse her I chose to respond, "No, there are others...co-ed...yeah" Nice.