A Letter to the Republican Candidates

To whom it may concern (pretty much talking to you Newt and Mitt):

First off, I know its not just Republicans who discriminate against the gays, but I'm going to pick on them because they have been put in the spotlight recently due to their desperate attempts to become president.

I'll start with you, Newt. I get it. You are a social conservative. And thats totally fine. To each their own. I personally chose not to discriminate but if that is your thing, whatever. But here is the thing, for the love of God PLEASE stop talking about the sanctity of marriage being in jeopardy if the gays can get married. I mean, really? The divorce rate is around 50% for heterosexual couples.  And you sir, have had two of them already because, quite frankly, you couldn't keep it in your pants. A little hypocritical don't ya think? I'm all for everyone having their own opinions and I know not everyone is for gay marriage ( I still don't really understand why not, if you don't like gay marriage, don't get one...) but I really think it would be privy of you to shut up about it.  Every time I hear you talk about how we must defend marriage I want to slam my head against a wall. Its like a dentist telling you to floss when they themselves have terrible teeth. Why would I listen to someone who obviously isn't practicing what they are saying they believe?

Now you, Mitt, you really pissed me off today. Not that I would vote for you, but you at least had me listening. I'm pretty open to all sorts of political ideas and for the most part you seem to know what you are talking about. When you stood up in NH and said you don't discriminate against homosexuals I almost kind of believed you, even though I know you don't support gay marriage. Then I find out today you donated a good amount of money to an organization, which believes homosexuality can be cured. And they children should be protected from all things gay. And that transgendered people do not deserve equal rights. C'monnnnnn Mitt! I know you are not a dumb man (verdict is still out on Newt...) so how can you possibly stand in front off all of us and say you don't discriminate and then go home and write out a check supporting a group which discriminates?! I'm sure you see the connection here. You are allowed to do with what you want in your personal life and are entitled to your own opinions, but DO NOT lie to the gay community and tell us we are safe in your hands. That you will not discriminate against us. Because you already have. At least Newt is honest.

I know I will not be changing any views here today. I doubt you will even ever see this. But on the off chance you do I want you both to understand a few things. Most importantly, the gay community is NOT comprised of second class citizens. We deserve equal rights just as much as any one else. We are NOT a threat to marriage or anything else for that matter. We are only asking for what we see our heterosexual friends and family already have (and didn't have to ask for).

I understand you have your own views, and while I would love to change them I know I can't. All I am asking is really think about what you are saying. Think about all the gay youth out there being bullied and about how much your actions and words hurt them. Do not lie to us. Do not tell us you won't discriminate. Do not threaten my rights. Do not tell us being gay is a choice.

Maybe you both should walk a day in our shoes and then talk to us about discrimination.

All my gay love,
J.

An Ode to Allies

I was in the library yesterday watching a Justin Bieber on Ellen clip on youtube (don't hate, he was giving money to a poor school, it was very moving). I was minding my own business while wearing those giant headphones the library rents out and shedding a few tears at the endless generosity of J. Beibs when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was the librarian who was previously showing my friend pictures of her dog on Facebook. When I looked over a picture of two women in formal attire (one of the woman was in a tie) was up on the screen. The librarian smiled, pointed to the picture, and said to me, "See! That is my sister and her partner! I just wanted to let you know I am an ally!"

In typical me fashion, I had no idea what to say, so I said, "Oh, why thank you. We really appreciate your support."

What? Really? Yes. This happened. And I didn't know how to feel about it. I still don't really but here are some of my thoughts around this peculiar interaction.

I had addressed my clothing style but just as a refresher, I wear boys clothes and have short hair. While I have no doubt in my mind this woman's heart was in the right place, my initial reaction was to be a bit thrown off at her assumption of my sexuality. Not only that, but I was caught off guard that this woman felt it okay to not only assume my sexuality, but broadcast it to people around me. Now, I am not one to hide my sexual orientation and am always open to discussion and I know they way I dress and act leads most people to assume I am gay (well they probably think, "lesbian" but we all know I do not identify as such...). I guess my question is, where is the line between private assumptions and public statements? I don't really know.

As I continued to sit and think about her decision to publicly let me know she supports the gay community I began to wonder, isn't this exactly what we need? More non-gay people willing to speak up in support of gay rights? Now perhaps the librarian went about this in an incredible strange manner, but what it boils down to is this is a heterosexual person who supports her homosexual peers. As a LGBTQ community we can yell and scream about equal rights all day, but unless people outside the community hear us, we will not get very far.

For me it came down to this, if I have to have awkward interruptions such as this in order for allies to have their voices be heard then I'm willing to take one for the team. In a society that is continuing to marginalize the gay community and take away our rights we need every person on our side as possible. We need the allies. We need people willing to stand up and say, "I'm not gay but I refuse to let my gay friends be discriminated against!"

So, to all the allies out there, THANK YOU! Your support is endlessly appreciated. But next time, try to not show you support in a manner that would be parodied on, "shit straight people say to gay people." :)

Let's try this again...

So it’s been a while. Sorry about that. I’m not going to make excuses for my lack of blogging. Its just I became really busy. And there was the move. Oh, and I started grad school. And I had to go to PT. And my cat had a cold. And there were Netflix documentaries to watch. And I was working a lot. But like I said, I’m not going to make excuses.

I’ve been reading a few other blogs lately and I realized mine is lame. All these kids have these crazy blogs with pictures or other media clips. My adult friends read these thought provoking blogs with intense meanings and heart wrenching stories. I have a blog about…well…I’m not entirely sure.

This all started because Boo Bear said I was funny. Maybe that’s my problem. I received what was probably an off-hand compliment not really intended to have much meaning behind it (like when you tell someone you like their ugly shirt) and instead of just letting in roll of me I let that comment go right up to my head. All of a sudden I was sure I was the funniest person ever and obviously it was my duty as a new comedian to share my hysterical jokes with everyone in the world wide web. 

This worked for me for a while. I did have some funny things to say. But then I would get drunk and post about the humdrum life of a poor, single, fat queer in Noho. Then I was trying to hard to be funny. Maybe I did become too busy when I moved, started grad school, and had to go to PT, and so on. Or maybe I became caught in a negative whirlwind of emotions and lost my ability to see the lighter side of life.

I can try to lie and tell you it was my busy lifestyle preventing me from writing. But I have never been a good liar. You try growing up Irish Catholic where guilt is served as a side dish to every meal and you’ll feel bad about lies too. So, to be honest my dear reader(s), I stopped writing because I stopped seeing the humor in the simple happenings of day-to-day life. But then something happened. I moved into a wonderful new house where I am spoiled with hysterical roommates and a breath taking view. I started grad school (in occupational therapy) and I found myself at home in academia for the first time in a long time. I went through months of PT and my shoulder finally began to heal and became less painful. I have watched endless documentaries, which have opened my eyes to new ideas and helped me laugh at old trends. And then I realized all these “excuses” for not writing my blog were in fact setting me up to undergo a quarter life transformation.

Well, I’m back. I’m now 25, still poor, still single, and still gay. The only thing I can promise you over the course of the year is only the latter will stay consistent. I have no idea what my posts will be about. I’m sure they will all be around social issues some with a comedic twist and others on a more serious note.  

God and the Gays

I grew up Catholic, very Catholic, like my dad went to the seminary and was 6 months away from being ordained a priest Catholic. My dads college buddies, aka priests, were frequent dinner guests. We went to church every Sunday and every holy day of obligation. My dad sings in the Sunday morning folk group. My mom is a Eucharistic Minister and CCD teacher.

But is not just my parents that are very Catholic. I was once a holy roller. I had numerous shirts and accessories with WWJD inscribed on them. I enjoyed going to church every Sunday. I was active in the youth group. I was a CCD teacher. I had many Christian rock CD's. I read the Bible for fun. I still can recite most of the standard prayers. And I still consider myself Catholic.

But my faith has changed. I still believe in Jesus, and God and the Holy Spirit. I believe in the power of prayer. How can I not? The amount of things my family has overcome can only be explained by divine intervention. I still enjoy going to mass now and then. I appreciate that no matter how crazy my life can get I can go into any Catholic church and the mass will be the same. It is a constant in my life that I appreciate. It is my version of meditation.

People often ask if it was difficult to grow up in such a rigid, rule following, strict Catholic upbringing. Honestly, I'm glad that is how I was raised. Sure,  I lost a few good years to conservative thinking. And sure, I'm still jaded by Catholic thought.  I still am ashamed of sex, won't eat meat on Fridays during Lent, suffer incredible amounts of guilt, and have a few lingering conservative political views. But growing up Catholic also gave me strong convictions. It taught me to care for those less fortunate then me. It taught me that things will work out in the end if you just put your trust in God.

People don't understand how I can be gay and Catholic. Let me tell you its not easy. I don't regularly attend church because I feel judged by those around me. I do not agree with the institution that religion has become. I firmly believe that  only He can judge me. I love my family and friends. I do my best to live my life as a good person. And sure, I mess up. But let he who has not sinned throw the first stone (hey Bible verse!).  I understand the Catholic view that homosexuality is wrong, I just don't agree with it. I think that years of misinterpretations has bred ignorance.

People will throw Bible versus at the gays telling them to repent. Maybe instead they should read the Bible and see that one message is clear,  love each other.

Singles Awareness Day

I strongly dislike Valentine's Day. For one thing, it draws attention to all us perpetually single folks out there. We are inundated with pink hearts and commercials of things we won't receive unless we buy them for ourselves. (Which most of us will do the day after at 75% off.) Couples are running amok throwing all consideration of the lonely hearts into the wind and showing off their PDA's like a dress at fashion week. And when you are single on Valentine's Day you are required to eat at least three box of chocolates and drink at least one bottle of red wine. So, take that Weight Watchers, probably won't be weighing in this week. I am reminded 365 days a year that I am single thanks to my cat and overused Netflix, I really don't need a full day devoted to shoving it in my face, thank you very much.

I know, I know, I sound like an angry, cynical, lonely, old lady (all of which I have been lately). But the truth is, even when I was in a relationship on Valentine's Day, I hated it (the holiday, not the relationship...). Since I tend to be more of the optimist, coupled with the fact that I am a hopeless romantic one would think I would be a lover of a holiday for lovers. But quite the opposite is true. You see, I'm the type that buys flowers for no reason other than either a) they were on sale, or b) I just felt like it. When I was in love, I always let her know it. I took her on surprise dates, and brought home little treats just to show her I cared. And I did that without the Halmark corporation reminding me.

Then Valentine's Day rolls around. And since I'm the one with short hair and boy's clothes I was expected to make the arrangements. All of a sudden I'm booking reservations three years in advance, buying flowers that are overly priced, and freaking out about the fireworks regulations of Amherst so that I can have the perfect night. Why?! Why should I have to go through all that when just the week before she got a cute little teddy bear holding some flowers? Its just ridiculous.

I know I'm no sort of relationship guru, but I'm only single, not stupid. Its not that hard people. It doesn't matter if you are heterosexual, homosexual, pansexual, transexual, sexual sexual, or want to marry a goat. Say, "I love you" on a regular basis. Always be kind. Treat each other to surprise dates. Bring home flowers for no reason. Go away together when you can. Leave little notes for each other. Have date nights. Don't wait for February 14th to tell the person you love how you feel, because then its just tacky.

So, Happy February 14th everybody! And now its time to break out the wine. :)

The Purrfect Woman

There is a new woman in my life. Her name is Millie. True to typical lesbian fashion (even though I am not one) we have already moved in together. Most nights she sleeps in my bed, although sometimes she prefers the floor. She does not really like to go out, which is fine because she is great at snuggling. We love to play all day until one of us (usually her) falls asleep.

She is also a kitty.

I love my kitty. Yes, I caved, I got a kitty. (Don't tell my landlord...) I'm still holding true to the fact I'm not a lesbian. The cat and the work boots mean nothing. But what is it with lesbians and cats? Lets avoid the obvious joke here...this is a family blog. Dirty minds, people, dirty minds. Honestly though, why do lesbians love cats so much? I suppose they are a good replacement for a girlfriend. I mean she is a cheap date. She doesn't point out my faults on a regular basis. She is easily entertained. She won't cheat on me. She shows affection. She doesn't snore. She doesn't drink too much and go crazy. Wow, purrfect!

I love my kitty. But I won't become a cat lady. Yes, I have a Facebook album with just pictures of her. And  yes, I show random people on the street pictures of how cute she is. And yes, I have stayed in one or two nights to play with her instead of drinking with my friends. And yes, I have sent texts with captioned pictures of Millie to friends. But I won't become a cat lady. I hope. Someone stop me if it goes to far.

I love my kitty. Just don't call me a cat lady lesbian yet. Please.

The only man I'll ever love.

There is a new show on the Sundance Channel entitled, "Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys." I only watched one episode before I quit.

For one thing, I hated almost all the characters. But more than that I was hoping for at least one relationship of a gay woman and a gay man. However, that's just not the case.  It is all about the special relationship that STRAIGHT women have with gay men. I mean, I get it, who doesn't love a good gay man in their lives....oh wait, most of the lesbian population.

Maybe "most" is an exaggeration but generally lesbians find gay men bitchy and too over the top.  And I'm sure gay men find lesbians too butchy and blunt. Gay men are repulsed by vaginas, never mind two of them...touching. Lesbians just hate all men.

Well good thing I am not a lesbian, because I love gay men. In fact most people would say I am a gay man, that just sleeps, well used to sleep, when I wasn't unintentionally celibate, with women. Except for my work boots and desire for a cat and Subaru I have no real lesbian qualities. Stereotypically, I possess the qualities of a gay man. I prefer Bravo to ESPN, musicals to strip shows, and dancing to fighting. Now I know not all gays fulfill stereotypes and blah blah blah but this is the world through my eyes so relax.

I digress. Gay men and lesbians do not usually have strong connections. And maybe that is why Sundance did not cast a lesbian and gay man relationship. But they should have talked to me first. You see, I would have told them about this fabulous relationship I have with Boo Bear. And Boo Bear and I would have been perfect because we have always lived our lives as if cameras were following us and imagined our lives to be one big production for Logo.

Boo Bear and I met in Spain in fall of 2007. I thought he was bitchy and fabulous, he thought I was incapable of dressing myself and hysterical. We were both right. As paraded through the streets of Spain with our friends (we called ourselves Los Gays) we realized that we were destined to be best friends. Our friendship continued when we came home and our senior year we lived together with The German and Pat. That year deserves a whole book to screen play to movie deal and not just a few lines in a little blog. Just know that it was amazing and quite possibly the best year of my life.

Boo Bear and I are complete opposites and bring to each others lives what the other lacks. He is the more organized, serious, smarter one with zero street smarts. I am the more impromptu, ridiculous, comedian that could never balance a check book. I text him from fancy restaurants asking what to order or what kind of wine I like. He texts me when he gets himself into some ridiculous situation and he needs to relax and laugh about it. We both text each other before we purchase any pair of shoes.

But its more than what is on the surface. We understand each other in way no one else does. We do not have to talk every day to know the other one would be there in an instant if needed. We know how to push each others buttons just enough to keep each other in check. We can be brutally honest with each other because we know its all with good intentions. To take a line from Grey's, he is my person.

So, Sundance Channel, or Logo, if you want a good show, give me a call. Until then Boo Bear and I will keep on living lives like we are in the spotlight.